For moms everywhere
Stephanie Peers, The Empowered Mamma - Certified Success Coach, NLP Practitioner and Hypnotherapist
I wrote this for all the moms out there who feel most days that they are deep in the trenches, with no escape. They are tired, stressed, bored, over extended, overwhelmed, and dare I say….just plain miserable!
- How many of you have even held back from admitting, that yes, you are miserable?
- Did you hold back for fear that you would disappoint someone?
- Did you hold back because there is this unwritten rule around motherhood that says we must be happy and joyful and love our lives regardless of how damn difficult it can get?
I want you to throw that unwritten rule out the freaking window and forget about it. It is so okay to not be okay, and here I will explain.
I was there, and believe me when I say that I still am. I have three boys; a fifteen year old, a 5 year old and a three year old. And, while I wouldn’t ever trade them in for a fancy trip to Italy, I would surely be lying if I said it never once crossed my mind! Believe me Mamma, I am there now. But I have discovered ways to overcome the pressures, stresses, worries, pains and F-bomb moments a hell of a lot easier. In fact, I have discovered tools and techniques that I now in-still into my everyday life that I feel are so powerful that I have become dedicated to help other moms discover them too.
These tricks are used so that those trenches can start to feel a little less deeper and gloomy….
The days can seem a little less long…
The tears can flow a little less often…
Your smile can be seen a heck of a lot more…
ChallenGes of being a mom
Motherhood is hard. It comes with no instructions. There is this false perception that when we become mothers, we are going to be filled with joy and love every moment of it. You start talking to other moms who act like they have it all together and think they got this mom thing down, making you feel like you will too. Please! If I am going to be completely frank with you, other moms can be the most fake of the fake. And it’s not because they are liars, or horrible human beings. It is because of the stigma around becoming a new mom. They are not telling you the entire story. They are only telling you the good parts, because of that fear of disapproval. I can guarantee you they have had moments where they felt like giving up on it all and just hopping on a plane to Italy too!
My journey truly began when I became a mother because I learned a whole lot about myself that I didn’t know was in me. There was a lot of strength and power I found, but there also emerged some real ugly qualities too. It was almost like, postpartum, that I became someone else. And I did, as we all do to some extent. What I didn’t know though, was that I was suffering Postpartum Depression.
Talking about Postpartum Depression
Postpartum Depression is such a taboo topic. No one likes to talk about it, and often times, like in my case, it goes ignored. Is it because we are in denial? I think, to some degree it is. How can we ask for help if we can’t even admit to ourselves that there is a problem? We are afraid of losing power by being vulnerable, and because of that false perception of how we should be perfect mothers who have it all together at all times, we deny to ourselves that we may need a little help. Especially for first time moms, usually, it can be very difficult to ask for help. As a new mom, I was so determined to keep it afloat and be the mother that I envisioned myself being.
One thing I noticed, now looking back in hindsight, is that no one really asks you if you are okay. They ask how the baby sleeps and how it’s going, but again, because of that false perception, people automatically believe that you just have it all down. Am I right in saying this?
Postpartum Depression is a naughty phrase in mom land. But this needs to stop. Mothers need to come together and freely speak about their difficulties. They need to feel supported and know that there are others who suffer, who they can reach out to vent to and learn from, so they can know that it so okay to not be okay and that they are okay! Speaking to someone who doesn’t get it is frustrating. They might say something like: “just calm down or just be happy, look at this beautiful baby you have.” No, they don’t get it, they are not in your shoes and it is not as easy as just smiling and moving on (in other words, pretending). There is nothing worse than faking a smile, pretending that everything is okay and that you are fine. It can get mentally exhausting and will suck the life and energy out of you.
Don't stay silent
Stop suffering in silence. Don’t make the mistake that I made. I suffered for seven whole months before it started to subside, and that wasn’t just the first time….it was all three times after I gave birth. That is a lot of time I spent being unhappy. There was a lot of time spent afterward, regretting it all.
The third time around, I knew it was coming, I just knew. So I was proactive. I spoke to my husband about it, I warned my family that it was probably going to happen again. I decided to kick Postpartum Depressions ugly butt! And here, now, I want to write about how I did that. You will find in the coming pages some tricks I learned, and how it started me on my journey to becoming a Women’s Success Coach, NLP Practitioner and Hypnotherapist. I have become so passionate about this niche that it has become my work, and I can’t wait to share it with you.
I believe that you are the author of your life; of your story. And if you can change your story, you can change your life. Use these tips and techniques below in any area where you feel you need to change your story. These tricks do not only need to be used if you are a new mamma or a mamma to be, they can be applied to anyone who is struggling to find a sense of clarity, purpose, direction and simply just finding happiness. I want to put this out into the world so that no one has to suffer as long as I did to find their true self.
Motherhood caused me to lose the little girl that I had inside me. She had big dreams, huge goals and aspirations and so much light inside of her. Don’t lose that little child inside of you. You are your true inner being when you have her. I would love to help you on your journey if this speaks to you, so please find my contact details at the bottom of this chapter if you would like more information on working one on one with me.
Enjoy these tips and please reach out if you have questions or would like more info. You can always find me at stephanie@empoweredmamma.biz.
AWARENESS AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
The first thing you must do, in any situation that you are unhappy with is to actually become aware of it. Actually have that moment that hits you like a brick, comes with overwhelming emotion and just makes you feel like you cannot continue feeling the way you are feeling any longer. I bet you they happen often, but you brush them off and then go on about your day because life is too busy and your telling yourself you just don’t have the time to think about it. Here’s a reality check: you need to think about it.
You need to feel those feeling and sit with them for a couple minutes.
- Embrace those feelings.
- Acknowledge them.
- Analyze them.
- Figure out exactly why you feel them and when it started. What changed? What needs to change.
You need to have this moment of awareness. And you need to have them every time something doesn’t feel right. What happens when you have this moment and actually sit with it, is you give yourself a choice. You get to decide if you continue feeling this way, or if you don’t.
You can’t go about forever pretending like it’s all okay. But you can choose to feel better, and you simply can’t choose to feel better if you ignore how you are feeling now. Reach for the next better feeling, even. You don’t need to go from depressed to ecstatic in seconds, but even a notch up to the next better feeling is enough to set the wheels moving in the right direction.
Change cannot happen without awareness and acknowledgment. And this brings me to my next topic…
MINDFULNESS & MEDITATION
One thing that helped me exponentially was learning how to be more mindful with how I was feeling and responding to the things happening in my environment.
I used to blow up very easily and it wasn’t uncommon for me to explode from zero to a hundred very quickly, and extremely dramatically. I overreacted in many situations and then spent a lot of time afterward regretting my actions and decisions and contemplating what I should have done instead.
This is likely something you have experienced too. This behaviour can be destructive, and you have probably felt the wrath of the consequences many times over.
Mindfulness starts with awareness, like mentioned above. To be mindful, means to be aware of the issues at hand and how they are making you feel…but here is the kicker: You must pause in that moment and reassess before you act. It is very difficult to do, I agree. But it is so crucial, and you get better at it with practice. Start by bringing that awareness to your feelings and acknowledging and allowing them. Every time you begin to notice your energy shift, pause, become aware, and then breathe through it, choosing the next action that will feel the best, or result in a more desired outcome.
One tried and true way of learning to practice being mindful is through meditation. I now make meditating twice a day a priority and that is because when I know that I have that 25 minutes of stillness coming, I can recenter, get grounded, focus on my feelings in that moment, and de-stress from the day. It is my release.
There are a lot of misconceptions about meditation and I am going to debunk some of those right here.
Tips on Meditation
Below you will find a post I did recently on my Facebook Page that got a lot of positive response, and hopefully it helps you. I tweaked it a little for the purposes of my readers in this book. You can find me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/empoweredmamma if you would like to see the post in real life!
“Ok you all know I’m pretty hardcore when it comes to meditation.
I have a lot of people asking me things like:
“How do I start?”
“How do I clear my mind?”
Or saying things (excuses) like:
“I can’t find the time”
“I can’t clear my mind.”
Here is the thing! Countless studies have shown how intensely beneficial meditating can be for your overall health. This includes chronic illnesses and mental health. Issues like sleep, anxiety, depression, ptsd...the list goes on.
Then, you get into the more spiritual side of meditation and start to see benefits like abundance flow, opportunities arising in your life, better sense of purpose and clarity, calm, and the list goes on. It’s not a myth, it’s a fact. And I know from personal experience that it works some pretty serious magic.
Here is what I really want you to know:
- You MUST make the time. It should not be an option. You make the time to shower everyday? That is how important adopting this habit should be to you. View it like that.
- You do not, and cannot clear your mind. Completely clearing your mind so that it is blank is like telling your heart to stop beating. Impossible. Your brain is always actively working, so it’s silly to think you can completely clear your mind. However, there are vehicles you can use to help guide your thoughts and keep them more contained and if your mind wanders, you still didn’t have any less of a good meditation experience as if your mind never wandered. Both cases will get you the same outcome.
The most important thing is COMMITMENT
I made meditation a priority. It is not an option for me now. It is a priority twice a day, no exceptions. I make it happen. You will get to a point, if your serious about it where that becomes your reality too and it changes everything...your whole perception and outlook on life and how you deal with things.
I took a pretty intensive training program that helped instil this in me. It came with a price tag but it was worth it. However, you don’t need to invest in training if you don’t want to you just have to commit to it.
And all those things that you say are stopping you will become the reason you make it a priority. I realize now that I don’t have time not to do it. It’s essential for how I accomplish everything in my day to day life.
When my bedroom door is closed and I’m meditating, my spouse has learned that that is my time and he will not interrupt me and keep the kids busy so I can do it. He honours it and respects it because he has seen the profound shifts that have happened in our life because of it. It’s a matter of making sure your family knows your committed and that it’s ultimately going to benefit them.
Learning how to meditate was not an overnight process. It took some dedication and a commitment to myself, to get better at it. And like my good friend Emily Fletcher says: “We actually don’t meditate to get better at meditating, we meditate to get better at life.”
Using an app like Insight Timer or Calm is handy because it will track your progress, so if you know you have meditated for 7 days in a row, you will feel good about it and determined to keep going. You can also set reminders for the times of day that work best for you. After about two weeks, you should notice a great change in your energy, start to notice opportunities showing up in your life, better sleep and even health issues improving.
I learned a great deal about the technique I practice now from one of the greatest teachers in the world of modern meditation right now, Emily Fletcher. She is the founder of the ZIVA Technique. Feel free to get in touch with me if you want to know more.
COMMIT TO LEARN EVERYDAY
It is so important to learn something every day. Learning is where you find inspiration. If you are bored or feeling stuck, pick up a book, take a dance class, go kickboxing, learn how to paint a scenic portrait, learn a new recipe, or take that course on that subject you always wanted to learn.
Stop finding excuses and just go do it! When you do, you will feel a burst of energy and inspiration. You might find a new passion or interest. Maybe it will lead you on the path to a new business venture.
The key here, like meditation, is that you have to commit to it. Commit to reading 15 minutes every day. Commit to going every week to those kickboxing classes. If guilt strikes because you feel like you should be home, remind yourself that you are not just helping yourself when you grow as a person, you are helping everyone in your life when you care for yourself.
Your world is only as large as you make it, so make it huge. Open up the doors of possibility by learning all about the world around you. You’ve got this!
TALK TO YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR
So what if I talk to myself in the mirror! I might look nuts, but I am not. Do you know what I am doing when I’m talking to myself?
I am manifesting!
I am literally speaking to the Universe, I am affirming and talking out loud as if the life I
desire is already happening. And guess what? Everyday, I notice little signs that tell me what I talk about everyday is actually starting to come together.
I use the Law of Attraction and manifesting methods very heavily in my coaching practice because I believe so deeply in the truth that everything is energy and everything vibrates at a certain frequency. If you are talking to yourself with joy and excitement, you are in that moment believing what you are saying, then you are vibrating at the same frequency as those desires and the Universe will respond.
Do you ever notice how people who constantly complain all the time just seem to continue having bad luck? That’s because the Universe is responding to that vibration. I used to be that negative person and it did me no good.
When I started learning about the Law of Attraction and applying it, I was able to become more mindful of those times when I was self-limiting and speaking negatively. I learned how to shift my focus on where I want to be, rather than all the bad stuff happening now. I strongly encourage you to give yourself a pep talk in the mirror every morning. Another thing you can do is just talk to yourself in the car on your way to work! Don’t worry, no one will think you are weird because everyone has Bluetooth these days!
Do things step by step
I could go on and on about the many techniques and activities that I have available for my clients. Some are such simple exercises, but if you don’t reach out and request some help from a coach who genuinely cares about your progress, you may never know about them.
Using NLP and Hypnotherapy, we are able to really tap into the subconscious mind and uncover limiting beliefs that are rooted deep. These methods are powerful because we can transform limiting beliefs at the very root. I have experienced profound shifts applying all of the above tips to my life, but hypnotherapy and meditation, by far can have the most dramatic effect on your outcome. It all starts with awareness and having an open mind.
I hope you enjoyed these tips and will start trying them today. I know that some of these tips can seem very obvious, but if you just stop for a minute and think about your own life - how often do you feel like you can slow down and apply it all? If you make it all a priority, your life will begin to change. You must commit to change. You must ask for help. You must be curious, open minded and brave. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and seek support.
Of course, you can always reach out to me. I would love for you to find me on Facebook!
Visit www.facebook.com/empoweredmamma and request to join my VIP Group, Empowered Mamma VIP.
Remember that if You Change Your Story, You Change Your Life….
I got you Mamma,
Stephanie Peers,
The Empowered Mamma
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