I have noticed that a lot of communication systems are missing what I believe is the key component to having any successful conversation.
I am going to assume (which we all know can be a dangerous thing) that if you are interested in communication and reading this article, your overall desire is to have less conflict, be more successful, have more positive connections with others, feel happier, be heard and understood, have more loving connections with your friends and family, and create win-win conversations that are a respectful dialogue in all areas of your life personally and professionally.
With that assumption, I want to share with you that the most important part of any conversation is the intention.
My intention in sharing this with you is with the hope that I can help you avoid some of the communication errors I have made and the costs associated with not knowing how to communicate effectively.
My hope has always been to create more connection, love and happiness in my relationships, but because no one had taught me the simple steps it took to really be a quality responsible communicator, sadly I have not always done such a good job. I have learned the hard way, and my biggest hope is that you won't have to go through a similar long journey I have been on and possibly incur some of the losses I have had.
If I can in some way shorten that path and support you to create more happiness and success in life and love, I will feel I have fulfilled a very important life mission for myself, which is to minimize pain and suffering personally, professionally & globally.
I have discovered after years of conversations not ending with the positive outcomes I had hoped for, that the intention is a step not to be missed and is one of the most important steps in any conversation.
How do you state your intention?
You need to go beyond the usual ways of communicating with people and actually state what is important to you about having a particular conversation, especially if you have some feelings you are trying to express, if you are sharing something that you are afraid may cause conflict, upset or pain, or if you are hoping for a collaborative response. This is the same whether we are speaking with a loved one, colleague or employee.
Stating an intention at the beginning is where you take responsibility for the reason you need to have the conversation, what you hope will happen and being clear about your goal by having the conversation. If the person on the receiving end knows what your intentions are at the outset, then it can help them not react negatively to what you are saying.
Stating your intention can build positivity, collaboration and trust. All leaders and good communicators know that to connect and influence one needs to be honest about the reason, goal and hope in having the dialogue.
It sets a positive and collaborative tone.
Conscious Intentions CHOICES-> Intended outcome
Nothing can be done in the world without hope.
Martin Luther King
If you are unaware of what you are trying to accomplish before you start a conversation it could end up going sideways.
Asking yourself these questions may help you get clarity on your intention.............
- What is important about what you want to say?
- Why is it important to you?
- What do you need from this person?
- What do you hope to get by having this conversation? More love, understanding, collaboration, cooperation, connection, knowledge, appreciation, change, success, help or support in some way...............
Stating your hope or goal is vital because it is reassuring and sets a positive tone. It can be helpful to state that it is your intention to share what you need and how you feel, not to hurt, judge or wound the other person. This is where it is vital to be clear and take responsibility for yourself, your feelings and needs so you don't inadvertently sound like you are blaming or criticising the other person, and you are being honest & authentic about your feelings, needs and what you are hoping will happen by having the conversation.
Needs & Desires
It can be helpful to ask yourself before you speak: "Am I going to create more connection or disconnection?" I have found that leading a conversation with an intention can make a 100% difference in the outcome. It is vital for you to understand that by stating your intention you are taking responsibility and owning your your part in the relationship.
I have discovered that truly successful conversations are made up of 5 simple steps. Only 5 simple steps to create successful converstions and you can change your life creating a life rich in happiness, love and success.
So if 85 % of our happiness and success can be attributed to our communication skills then WOW how easy will it be to change your life in with 5 easy communication steps. Contact me or leave a comment below if you'd like to learn more!