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Top 10 Behaviours That Hinder Your Progress In Life

TAGS: coaching, life coaching, business coaching, coach, life coach, self help, personal development success, personal development, personal growth, progress

Dont Let Anything Discourage

Our behavior can be our downfall

Have you ever wondered why things aren’t going as planned? What did you think was the cause? The truth is that most times, we are the ones that do sabotage our chances to succeed.

Our behaviour is often the road blocker, keeping us always from the path of success. I have come to realize that things get tough, most times when we are about to reach our goal. And it’s at this point our behaviour assumes the deciding power.

Our behaviour would decide if we would progress or not. It’s just like an athlete running 10000meters. At the beginning of the race, he/she is all fired up and determined to win the race. The morale is high, the energy is positive and the motivation is genuine. As soon as the athlete gets to the middle of the race, his/her motivation becomes questionable. The athlete energy drops and he/she starts struggling to make it to the finish line. Either the athlete gets to the finish line or not, now depends on the athlete behaviour.

What behaviours are stopping your progress? I will share with you the top 10 behaviours that hinder your progress in life.


10. Setting your gaze too high:

The possibility that you are not even aware of the fact that this behaviour hinders your progress is very high. Of course, you believe that you have to set the standard high, which definitely is a good thing. However, setting your gaze too high is like building a house without the foundation. Are you confused? Let me further explain. Let’s assume you started a business and you aim to earn a profit of 3,000 USD that month. Now, you have a goal you are working towards and you are determined to achieve it. You are busy looking for a contract that would make you earn 3000 USD as profit that month. You start sending proposals to big companies, of course, it is only reasonable to think that the well-established companies are capable of allocating such a big contract. However, because the competition is very high, the chance that your proposal will be reviewed by the management is very slim. There are many well-known companies that have more reputation than yours. Before you know it, the month will end and you won’t have anything to show for it. Yes, you have worked so hard, writing and sending more than 10 proposals, engaging in various meetings and looking for leads. However, everything ends up in frustration. Nothing works as planned.

Do you know why? It’s your behaviour. You set your gaze too high. The fact that 3000 USD is your goal doesn’t mean that you should set your gaze on it. That goal should be your endpoint, not your current gaze. The smaller companies you ignored could have helped you to achieve your goal. If you had submitted your proposal to those smaller companies, the chances that you would get the contract are very high because the competition is low. Yea, for sure you won’t earn 3,000 USD from the contract. However, let’s assume you submitted 10 proposals to the smaller companies and 6 hired you. And you earned a min of 500USD from each contract. That means at the end of the month, you would have earned 3000 USD. Not only would you have achieved your goal, but you will also have lots of experience and your client database would increase. Your 6 clients would be able to give a review of your work and this will increase your reputation. And in no time, your chance to win a contract from the bigger companies will increase.

Learn to always take a step at a time. If you set your gaze too high, it will lead to frustration. It will make you lack gratitude to acknowledge how far you have come. And lack of gratitude always leads to depression. If your goal is to climb to the top of the mountain, concentrate on the moment. If you lose a step, you will fall. Also, take time to look down (look at the distance you have covered already) and appreciate the accomplishment you have made. This will motivate you to keep going until you reach the top. It is overwhelming to set your gaze too high, it will hinder your progress. Making your goal your priority will either slow down your progress or stop it completely. Your journey towards achieving your goal should be your priority and your goal should be the reward.

9. Putting your goal off until someday:

Oh, you think I'm referring to procrastination? Well, yes I am. But I'm also referring to another thing. That thing is “feeling you are not ready now”. Procrastination could make you delay your success. But far from procrastination, is the feeling that you are not ready now. You have an idea but you tell yourself the idea is for the future. Really? Come on. If you have an idea, start working on it now. Don’t wait until later. Do you know why? This is because ideas are like seeds that need time to germinate and grow. The earlier you plant it, the better. If you think you are not ready now, what makes you think you will be ready in the future? Always remember life doesn’t give anyone guarantee, so make good use of your time now that you till have it.

Should I tell you the truth? The reason why you feel like you are not ready now is that you are afraid of the future. You are afraid it might not work out. You are afraid it will fail. It is ok to be afraid, but you don’t have to be afraid because nothing in life is certain. When you sleep at night, it’s not certain that you will wake up the next day. But you go ahead to sleep anyway. So, go ahead with your goal. Stop putting it off until someday. You have to take the first step now. Yeah, you have to take the step to find out if it will work or not. Life is a risk, so take the risk. Stop looking for an excuse to justify why you should put off your goal for someday because you will always find an excuse. I don’t have the skills, I am not talented enough, I don’t have the resources, I don’t have the connection…blablabla. Start working on your goal now. Write down those things you think you need and start working on it. If you don’t have the skills, then start learning it now. Just make sure you are not putting your goal off for someday.

PS: if the goal is time-related, it’s ok to schedule it for that time. Scheduling your goal is different from putting off your goal for someday. For example, you want to start selling Christmas trees. Of course, that goal is time-related (Christmas season). So, you schedule that goal till Christmas season. However, you start working on the process now.  Another example, your goal is to start selling clothes. You tell yourself you will start next month but you are not doing anything about it. You are not doing research, nothing. Then after one month, you tell yourself next month again. You know what? You won’t progress with such behaviour. Start working on your goals now.

8. There is something you can’t let go of:

You know something is holding you back. You should let go of it but you can’t. You keep holding on to it. Come on, you have to change this behaviour. Your best friend doesn’t support you in anything relating to your life goals. Anytime you share your goals with them, they either show a lack of interest or become pessimistic.

  • You know they are not helping you to progress in life, but you still hold on to them. Perhaps, you are afraid of being alone.
  • You hate your current job. It makes you feel frustrated and hopeless.
  • You know you should let it go, but you are holding on to that job. Perhaps, you are afraid of starting a new career or afraid of not getting another job.
  • Your partner is always demanding. You give everything in the relationship. You are feeling drained, unappreciated and empty.
  • You know you should let go but you are still holding on to that relationship. Perhaps, you are afraid that no one is ever going to love you.

I could go on and on giving examples of the things you might be holding on to even though you know deep down within you that they are toxic and hindering your progress. You know that thing you can't let go off, I don’t know it. I could only keep guessing. However, I have something to tell you. That behaviour of not letting go will surely hinder your progress in life. Oh, are you saying “Ayobami, I know I should let go and I want to let go but I don’t know how to let go”? It’s ok, I will tell you how.

Write down your goals in life and think of the barriers to your goals. Also, write down the most important areas of your life e.g career, family, money, love, business, friendship etc. And think of your current state. For example, money is important to you so think of your state now

  • Do you have money?
  • Is the money enough?
  • Do you want more money?

If you choose friendship, think and write down your current state.

  • How many friends do you have?
  • Are you happy with your friends?
  • How do you feel about your friends?

Now, think of what you are willing to sacrifice for the other. Rate your goals according to priority. When you have a priority, it makes it easier to let go of barriers keeping you from achieving your goals. Now, I am not saying the priority will suddenly empower you to let go of the things (barriers) you are holding on to. You will need to make a decision. A very hard decision. If you hold on to those things, it means you are letting go of your goals and if you hold on to your goals, it means you are letting go of those things. Your priority list will help you to choose because it will awaken your senses to make the right choice and fight for what you want.

Do you know why you shouldn't hesitate legging go of those things that are hindering your progress? It is because everything has a replacement. You can replace your friend. You can replace your job. You can replace your family if you want (family isn't defined by blood). You can replace your spouse. You can replace your career. But there is one thing you can never replace 'your LIFE'. So, stop holding on to things that are letting you lose your life (causing depression, sadness, frustration, mental sickness, lack of confidence, hopelessness, pain, failure, retardation etc) when those things can be replaced.

7. Going on and off:

Hmmm, this is another culprit hindering your progress. You are not consistent with your goals. Today, you are so determined to work on your goal and tomorrow you stop working on it and you are wondering why you are not getting a result. Of course, you won’t get the result. Life itself is consistent. It gives you air to breathe. If life decides to stop giving you air today and says it will give you air tomorrow.

  • What do you think will happen?
  • Or if you eat this week and you decide not to eat for the next coming week, what do you think will happen?

Goals are not something you go on and off with if truly you want a deserving result. If your goal is to lose weight and you start doing exercise and then you stop and then resume again after 3 months, what do you think will happen? Do you think you will achieve that goal? You have to be determined and consistent. You have to keep watering your seed until the harvest day. Stop the behaviour of “on and off” it will slow down your progress.

Also, if you want to maintain your goal, you have to be consistent as well even after achieving that goal because you can also lose it. I remember when I decided to have a flat stomach. I started doing exercises and I was so determined to make it happen. After months of consistent exercise, I achieved my goal. I was happy to see that I now have a flat stomach and I was so proud of myself and my physique. Since I have achieved my goal, I stopped doing exercise. Before I knew it, my stomach started protruding again. All my previous hard work to get a flat stomach became useless. Of course, I had to start again. If you are really serious about progressing in life, stop going on and off.

6. Viewing mistake as failure:

This is one behaviour that kills our motivation. Virtually everyone is guilty of this behaviour. Before I use to view a mistake as a failure too but I later realize the damage this behaviour is causing me and I was able to learn and improve my life. You don’t have to view your mistake as failure. Do you know why? This is because a mistake is totally different from failure. Everyone makes a mistake. Mistake is meant to be made if you are learning. Mistake is a telltale sign that you are attempting to progress in life. So relax, and stop thinking that you are failing whereas you are only learning. Mistake adds to your wealth of experience. It helps you to know what doesn't work. When you are working on your goals, be rest assured that mistake is bound to happen because you don’t know it all. However, learning from that mistake makes you better at what you do. You have to change your perspective.

Stop viewing mistake as failure, but view failure as a mistake. It’s a mind trick that helps to keep you on track and motivate you to keep going after suffering any setback. For example, you gave a wrong answer to a question in the exam and you end up failing that exam. Don’t see it as a failure. Your thought should be “ I gave a wrong answer. It was a mistake and I will correct it”. As simple as the sentence sounds, it’s very powerful. It will inspire you to retake the exam without fear. It will give you the right mindset to prepare for the exam again. And you will be able to achieve your goal.

Or you might have submitted the former proposal instead of the latest one and it gets turned down. Come on, it’s a mistake for goodness sake. It’s not a failure. Now, you know better to bin the old proposal or rename it. You know better to engage in proper documentation. It's just a mistake, not a failure. Don’t let anything discourage you from pursuing your goal. If you want to progress in life, you have to stop being hard on yourself because it won’t do you any good.

5. Seeking perfection:

It is good to seek to be the best at what you do. However, always seeking perfection will hinder your progress in life. Do you know why? This is because ‘perfection’ is an illusion. What is the yardstick to measure ‘perfection’?  Stop waiting to take action until you are ready. Take the action now. It might not look perfect, but it will become perfect to your taste with time. If you have a business idea, launch it now. Don’t wait until the idea is perfect. When you launch it, you can start adding to it. There is room for an update. You will get to scale up your business with time.

In fact, when you launch it, even your customer/client will start giving you free ideas/suggestions that will bring in lots of money to your business. Ideas you didn’t even think of.

Learn to grow with your goal. When Google started, they don’t have all the features they have now. They grew with their goal. Stop the behaviour of seeking perfection before you pursue your dream. The right time is now!

4. Not acknowledging tough time:

Overconfidence can hinder us from progressing. It is good to have confidence that you are up to a task and you can handle whatever situation you face. But being overconfident about it will make you underestimate the challenges; hence you will fail because you didn’t prepare enough for it. When you set a goal, always think of the possible difficulties you might face with that goal. Oh, did you just say you don’t want to think of any difficulties because you are not pessimistic? Darling, thinking of the possible difficulties you would encounter isn't being pessimistic. It’s being realistic. If you want to achieve a real goal, you have to be real in your approach.

No goal is without a challenge. The earlier you identify the challenge, the better. When you know the possible difficulties you can encounter, then you can also work on empowering yourself to overcome those difficulties even before you are faced with it. Not acknowledging that tough time will come as you pursue your goals, makes you live in a fantasy world and everything crumbles as soon as you are deported to the real world. You feel so frustrated and you will give up on your dream. Don’t ever underestimate how hard your goal could be in achieving it. When you acknowledge a tough time, you will be inspired to have backups with your plan and approach towards your goal.

3. You don’t know how to say no:

If you are the type that says yes to everything, then you don’t have to wonder why you are not progressing in life. It’s clear already; you are the enemy of your own progress. For goodness sake, you can’t keep saying yes to everything and expect that you will progress in life. Even Jesus said no to somethings and you are not Jesus. Stop saying yes to everything, learn to say no. It is very important to learn how to turn somethings down. For example, you can’t continue to dedicate all your time and resources to helping others because you also have your life. It’s not being selfish, it’s called “living a healthy life”.

You have the same 24hrs as they do, now imagine you spending all your hours on helping someone achieve their goal, what about your own goals? What time would you have left to work on your own goal?

I am a life coach, and I am passionate about my work to help others achieve their goals. I am always happy to help others and make them successful. However, I also need time for myself so I do turn down some clients at times. In fact, I have my free days to work on myself, my dreams and future. You don’t have to take that project if it will cost you more than you bargain for. 

Don’t be afraid of what people will say because you are the one in charge of your life. Politely turn down the offer. Don’t exchange your goal and your sanity for anything. It doesn’t worth it. Self-love isn’t selfishness, so don’t be afraid to say no when you have to say no.

2. Giving up before you see result:

Success doesn’t happen suddenly. Yeah, you might realize a sudden success but the truth is that the success didn’t happen suddenly, it has been taking root underground gradually. Success is like the Chinese Bamboo Tree. Of course, you might have heard this story of the Chinese bamboo tree. When a Chinese bamboo seed is planted, nothing is seen for almost 5 years. The place where the bamboo was planted looks barren because the seed is very hard so it takes time for it to break through the soil and start to grow. In the fifth year, the seed breaks through from the ground and suddenly grows to a height of 90 feet within 5-6 weeks. When it starts growing, it almost as if you can actually see it growing in front of your eyes because in a day it can grow up to 48 inches and can reach a maximum growth rate of 39 inches per hour for a short period of time. And once it starts growing, it is hard to get rid of it.

If you ask the farmer, he/she will tell you how many years the bamboo took to grow. But if you ask someone who passed through that farm 6 weeks ago, He/she will say that bamboo just happened to appear suddenly. Sometimes when people see someone’s success, because they don’t know what that person has gone through in life, they think the person became successful all of a sudden. If the bamboo farmer stops watering it and gives up, the farmer will lose it all.

But bear in mind, the farmer already knows what he/she was getting into when they decided to grow the Chinese bamboo tree. He/she already have the idea that it will take time to see results. Likewise, you have to have knowledge of your goals. You need to understand what it will take for your goals before you start seeing results. So that the nurturing period (watering the seed, clearing the weed etc.), won’t be frustrating.  A pregnant woman is aware that it will take 9 months to hold her baby. If you know your goal or project well, and you are aware of what to do to reach the end goal, then you will be inspired to keep going even when the going got tough. 

When you feel like giving up because you are not seeing results, revisit your goal again. Think of the reason for the goal (let it reassure you to believe in your goal), inform yourself about the necessary process involved to achieve the goal, and think of other possible approaches available to achieve your goal. Sometimes, you don’t have to grow the Chinese bamboo tree from the seed. You can grow bamboo from cuttings, roots and rhizomes too. Be smart with your goal!

Don’t give up just because you are not seeing result yet. You have to understand the power of the ‘process’ of success. Trust me, something is happening; something you are not aware of yet. Keep doing what you do, and don’t give up. Every success has a story, you will also tell your story. Yeah, it will happen. You will also tell your success story. Therefore, don’t be discouraged. Keep pressing on. Don’t let that behaviour of giving up hinder your progress in life. You are very close to your success. Just one more step, one more push and you will hit it.

PS: confirm your goal! If the reason for your goal is wrong, then there is no point spending time doing the wrong thing and somehow be expecting results. Quit every goal that doesn’t have a genuine reason. Stop wasting your time on those goals and start something new.

1. You doubt your own abilities:

This is the number one behaviour that hinders your progress in life. Self-doubt is a deadly disease of the mind. It kills dreams, potentials and ambitions. Self-doubt makes you hide your head even when you are wearing a crown. Why do you doubt your abilities? Do you think you are not good enough? Then try it out. Yeah, try it to see if you are good or not. I bet when you try it out, you will realize you are more capable than you could think of. Take that first step. Just try it. There is no harm in trying. You are good enough, you only need to learn and improve to become an expert. Why should you doubt your own abilities? Do you ever doubt your ability to breathe? Sweetheart, you are breathing for a purpose and if you don’t doubt your ability to breathe then you shouldn’t doubt your ability to fulfil your purpose.

Always seek knowledge, start working with your inner world, it will help to remove self-doubt, and negativity. Learn to restructure your thought and grow your mindset. Knowledge helps to build your self-confidence. Always be willing to learn and be ready to apply whatever you learn. Knowledge without application is a total waste.


This is another year, the year 2020 and you deserve to progress in life. You are entitled to ‘success’ so claim your entitlement by getting rid of all the top 10 behaviours that hinder your progress in life. Don’t let anything deny your heritage. This year is your year to be celebrated. Pursue your dream and make it happen. Nothing can stop you now because you are smarter than whatever is out there to stop you.


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