The sad truth is our best won’t always be enough. Even if we give something or someone our all, pour out all our efforts and emotions, we may still fall short. You may have experienced this in your life but the question is, what are you going to do about it?
When your best isn't good enough in a relationship
Do you feel as though your partner can do better than you? Of all people, why did they choose you? Do you feel that their standards stooped so low to have you stay in their lives and you can’t still keep up? Do you wonder why your partner remains by your side even if you can’t give everything they need?
It’s quite common for people in a relationship to experience inferiority. They might recognize these thoughts are intrusive and untrue, but sometimes, negative thinking doesn’t easily go away. A strong, unshakeable relationship relies on many things, but if you want to make it work, erase the doubt in your mind and know your worth, for both your sakes.
A strong, unshakeable relationship relies on many things, but if you want to make it work, erase the doubt in your mind and know your worth, for both your sakes.
Identifying the source of these limiting beliefs is something you have to do right off the bat. Why do you think you don't deserve your partner's love? What led you to believe that?
Nobody is ever "too good" for another person. But our minds deceive us by letting in irrational thoughts. So to address these unreasonable behaviors and beliefs, it's crucial to take into account their underlying reasons – why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling.
If you think there may be some truth to your worries, work on rekindling the romance or working on any underlying relationship issues. If you feel you need help, a relationship coach is perfectly suited for the job. They can help you and your partner work through struggles you may be having and come out the other side.
When your best isn't good enough at work
You have worked hours and hours on a project. You put so much effort into building a nice presentation, coming to work in your best attire, and arriving early in the office. Your coworkers like you, you receive praise for your work, and you are up for promotion.
Yet, no matter what you do, the fear of inadequacy keeps on creeping into your mind. Everyone will tell you you’re doing great but you can’t seem to believe them; they can’t overpower the way you see yourself. Even if they repeatedly commend you and your work, you still don’t feel great.
You overthink the little things so that they interfere with your productivity and how you connect with your coworkers. Although you seem confident, you still think that someone will find out you’re not really qualified for the position and that you just landed the job by luck. At the back of your mind, you still think you’re not enough. You have imposter syndrome.
Professionals experience setbacks in the workplace, and feeling as if you aren’t good enough happens more commonly than you know. Some don’t feel competent or that they aren’t really fit for the job they have. Some feel they lack the capabilities to finish the tasks at hand when they are challenged. Some feel afraid of making a mistake because others would see that they’re inadequate. But to overcome all these negative feelings, you need to allow yourself to recognize your achievements.
When we realize how much we’ve already done and how far we’ve come, we can adjust our standards for success so we won’t feel too pressured. When you take responsibility for all your successes in your job, you’ll be able to appreciate your talent and see that you are doing great after all.
When you take responsibility for all your successes in your job, you’ll be able to appreciate your talent and see that you are doing great after all.
When your best isn't good enough at all
Are you good at spotting your own shortcomings? Do you incessantly strive to impress other people, make impossible goals, or procrastinate? People will tell you to just do your best and that’ll be enough. But is that just toxic positivity that’s being said as a way to comfort you?
Let's stop saying that doing your best is enough because sometimes it just isn't. It may feel like a knife straight to the heart but that’s the truth. Giving your 100% yet still not making it to the top is the worst feeling.
Athletes are aware of this. Doctors are aware of this, as are patients. Contestants on American Idol are aware of this. Business owners and executives are aware of this.
And you are aware of this because it has happened to you. Even though you gave it your all, you still failed to win the match, land the date, keep your job, avoid divorce, lose weight, receive the prize, or get the promotion.
We all fail and doing your best won’t always be enough, and that’s okay!
When one door shuts, another one opens. There will be other opportunities, so keep an eye out for them. Remember, there is no “one true path” for everyone to take. We will all write our own stories in different ways.
I'm really sorry that you think your best wasn't good enough, but I can't stress this enough: you can only do your very best. Whether you see the glass as half-full or half-empty, there is still something to drink.
When you fail or think you failed, your life still goes on and you definitely have not ruined it! Keep your head up, sunshine, and keep gazing up at the stars for they are all shining for you :)
Why you feel the way you feel
The people surrounding you are not supportive of you and your growth
When moving forward, overcoming the obstacles, and embracing our victories, we will change, we are bound to change. Our attitudes will change, as well as our concept of ourselves and our outlook on life, and not everyone will receive them well. There will be people who will feel uncomfortable with how much we’ve changed. And there will be times when their attitude and behavior toward us will impact our thoughts about ourselves.
Surrounding yourself with people who uplift you will help in alleviating this feeling of inadequacy. Build and strengthen relationships with people who inspire you, show you their successes, and motivate you to be better. Life is too short to dwell on negativities.
Your inner voice is nitpicking at you
There’s a part of us that’s always going to make us rethink our strengths and capabilities and doubt everything we know about ourselves. Our inner voice is within us and it’s the one thing that could make or break us. Our inner voice speaks and berates us for all the negative opinions we have of ourselves which can ultimately lower our self-esteem. Our inner voice pushes us to comfort ourselves even in ways that can adversely affect us.
All these types of negative thinking can make us resort to behaviors that can make us lose connections with other people, steer away from our life goals, and view the world in a bad light. So, you may be feeling the way you’re feeling because of all these thoughts in your head, all these words that your inner voice is feeding you.
But remember, you can overpower your inner voice and rise above it. When you realize the core of these negative emotions and thinking, you can stop your inner voice from taking control of your life.
Learn to embrace the power of positive emotions. A wellness coach can help if you are having difficulties breaking the chains of that inner voice. Learning some NLP techniques can also be really useful.
You can overpower your inner voice and rise above it. When you realize the core of these negative emotions and thinking, you can stop your inner voice from taking control of your life.
You have an unhealed trauma
Trauma is usually the result of endangerment to your life or safety, but it can also be brought about by situations where you feel helpless or you have no one to reach out to. Denying you have trauma is a defense mechanism to avoid feeling pain and negative emotions. But when we learn how to overcome our trauma, we can heal in time.
The initial step toward recovery could be the most challenging for some people. It's possible to experience painful recollections and feelings when confronting the traumatic incident and what it meant to you. But when you conquer your trauma, you’ll learn to appreciate yourself more. You will learn why self-compassion is essential. You will learn how to accept your imperfections and your flaws. You will learn to accept that we are all imperfect beings.
How to cope when your best isn’t good enough
Allow yourself to feel all your emotions
How to feel all your feelings:
- Close your eyes, clear your mind, and sit in silence.
- Think of everything you did and didn’t do. Accept your limitations as a human in order to deal with not living to your perceived potential or not doing enough to work things out.
- Remember, nobody can ever be perfect, and that is just the way it is. The idea of perfection is so subjective and abstract that nothing can concretely ever define it. Even if something may not feel right to you, accepting that you haven't met your standards or those of others, despite our best efforts, is important.
Although savoring all our bad emotions is uncomfortable or painful, we may feel compelled to act in a way that improves our mood or eliminates it. Taking your time to sit with all these negative feelings can help you process what went wrong and move past this.
Seek support from those you love.
When faced with difficult situations, it takes less effort to seclude yourself and try to deal with them on your own. It’s easier to storm through your own problems on your own, but self-care doesn’t have to be alone. You can always reach out to your loved ones for support.
When it comes to supporting, and even brutally honest criticism, your loved ones are the best people you can go to. They know you and understand you, so confiding in them will be easier. They can help you bring back your confidence and help you to discover that in fact you’re actually doing really well. When coping with your feelings of inadequacy, it may help you to take a break from what’s stressing you out and spend more time with your family and friends.
Reframe your thoughts
Reframing your thoughts is when something seems to bother you but instead of dwelling on its negativity, you try to look at it from a different perspective and see it in a different light. When you see things differently, it’s easier for you to make decisions or plan ahead so you can move forward and past this hurdle. But how can you reframe your thoughts?
Shifting your perspective may not be easy but it sure will help you achieve an understanding of your situation.
How to reframe your thoughts:
- You can start by making small, achievable goals such as sticking to a healthy diet or exercising for 30 minutes a day and finishing them. This encourages positive thinking because you get high productivity.
- A coach can help you with these small, actionable goals, giving you the accountability and motivation you might not have had without them by your side.
- The NLP technique of content reframing is also a great technique to use to help change the way you think.
Determine the things you can and can’t control.
No matter how much you beat yourself up for not measuring up to your own standards or that of others, there are just some things that are out of your control.
You can’t always stop things from happening and you can’t tell people what to do. For instance, you might have just experienced a layoff at your job or an unwanted divorce. Everything that happens in life is not all rainbows and butterflies; there will be stumbling blocks along the way that are beyond your control. You need to remember that the things that happen to you aren’t always your fault.
How to let go of what you can’t control:
- When things are difficult, try writing down the thoughts that are running through your head. Then, read them aloud as if they had been written by someone else. That will give you some other point of view on your situation. Journaling is a fantastic tool to help with this.
- Remember, happiness is a choice, not a result. It is something you need to work at. If you need a little nudge, a happiness coach can help retrain your brain to find ways to be happier.
- The NLP tactic of dissociation can also be a useful way to detach yourself from negative emotional responses to things you can’t control.
Stress can affect our thinking and bring about negative thoughts. You may think, “I’m terrible at what I do” or “I always say the wrong thing”. But remember, our thoughts are not who we are; they’re objects of the mind. Thoughts are only powerful when you let them take over you. There is nothing you should take personally about them because they are nothing more than passing clouds. So, allow them to go.
Break free from thoughts of inadequacy
It’s not uncommon for us to slide into the depths of insecurity when something goes wrong or is far from what we planned. Life hits us with the harsh reality that we can’t always measure up to our standards and those of others. But if we leverage this feeling and make it a source of motivation to get better, then we can prevent spiraling down into negativity.
I won’t lie to you; reshaping your thoughts will need effort and self-control. But the first thing you can always do is accept. Accept your failures, accept your minor victories – they’re all yours to take and use them to move forward, not wallow in the mistakes from your past.
Soon enough, you’ll realize that you are enough.
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