Self-love… where to begin?
Some of us are fortunate to have witnessed love in others and ourselves when we were young. But there are some who remain in the dark about what love feels like. Some of us are faced with doubt and hatred for ourselves day by day. Some of us diminish our self-image based on what others think and how they make us feel. Some of us mistake attention for affection. Some of us put others first before ourselves to make them happy.
People don’t deserve to beat themselves up. They deserve healing in the best way – self-love. The art of loving yourself cannot be taught but it can be learned. As Buddha once said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
Self-love and what it means
We cannot always expect to find love from other people because when we try, we exhaust ourselves searching for something that will complete us. Nothing can complete us but ourselves because we are not the other half of another; we’re our own whole. A person who embodies the art of self-love doesn’t feel the need to depend on others to fulfill a hollow void within. They simply don’t need others to be happy because just being themselves and by themselves is an empowering feeling on its own.
Self-love is not some narcissistic characteristic but a feeling of admiration for yourself that stems from actions that bring about positive changes in the way we think and act. Self-love means prioritizing your own happiness and well-being over anything. Self-love means supporting and keeping up to your needs instead of compromising your own well-being to oblige others. Self-love means saying no to the things you know are less than what you deserve because you know your worth. Last but not least, self-love means accepting yourself for the emotions that you feel and for everything that you are.
Although we all need love, we are all so different. We have our own ways to appease ourselves. Self-love isn’t some one size fits all clothing piece. Self-love comes in many forms:
- Speaking to and about yourself with love
- Setting your own priorities
- Giving yourself a break from self-criticism
- Believing in yourself
- Being honest with yourself
- Being kind to yourself
- Setting healthy limits
- Forgiving yourself when you aren't being true or nice to yourself
Why is self-love important?
We hear "Love yourself!" all the time. We see it plastered on shirts, popped up on screens, and dangled on keychains. Everyone and everything seems to promote self-love but do we do it? Do we act on loving ourselves when we’re reminded? Why do people insist on telling us love is the best thing we can do for ourselves?
Because when you love yourself, it becomes easier to love others. It’s conventional wisdom, much like teaching a subject. How can a teacher lecture a certain topic when they don’t know it by heart? How can they inspire passion and impart knowledge when there’s nothing to give out to students? You see, you’ll find it easier to love others when you know how it feels because you do it enough for yourself. And in a healthy relationship, the exchange of love necessitates concrete self-love.
Just think of how much effort it takes to show love and affection, to be emotionally available, or to be thoughtful. If you don't have reserves of self-love within you, your ability to give love will suffer.
Because loving yourself has the power of healing layers of old wounds. Many of us have faced challenges in our lives that have had an impact on the way we think about ourselves and the world. Traumas frequently leave us feeling as if we are less valuable than we were before the incident. Perhaps, traumas are indeed irreversible but that doesn’t mean we can’t overcome them. Although healing takes time, fostering a strong, unshakeable sense of self-love allows us to get the better of these horrible experiences of the past and live better lives.
Because loving yourself helps you envision and set more achievable goals for yourself. Self-love makes you understand yourself more, in turn, you get a clearer sight of who you want to be, where you want to go, and how you want to get there. You probably have made lists of goals for yourself that are unconsciously made based on gloom and defeatism. You may have felt you hated your body, were helpless at work, or failed in working on a hobby or passion. So you may have thought of putting in grueling work at the gym or giving up on your career, interests, and hobbies.
When we learn to love ourselves, we see less of the things we hate about ourselves and realize that these thoughts are just guided by pure pessimism. When we love ourselves, we seek to improve, not fix, ourselves with unreachable standards, standards that aren’t even real.
The things society tells us about aspects of ourselves such as beauty and normality, never hold true, so they shouldn’t guide the way we see ourselves. When we love ourselves, we see our worth and recognize our abilities, despite what society deems acceptable.
Most importantly, because you deserve the love you freely give to others. Here’s the truth, the only truly lifelong relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. When you love yourself, you become comfortable in your own company. In the same way you think others deserve love, know that you’re just as worthy, no more, no less.
Loving yourself does not make you selfish. Self-love is simply recognizing that you have needed much like others. You prioritize yourself when you realize that things are weighing you down or if the situation has gotten too much for you. You work on being nicer to yourself and don’t beat yourself up for a single mistake.
The only truly lifelong relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. When you love yourself, you become comfortable in your own company. In the same way you think others deserve love, know that you’re just as worthy, no more, no less.
There will be instances that will challenge your self-love. You will have self-limiting thoughts about not being good enough or that you’ll never reach your dreams. People will question you and your principles. No matter what happens, remember to ignore the things that shake you down, and focus on getting better and loving yourself more and more.
The world needs self-love coaches
There are over 7.97 billion people in the world as we speak. And a fraction of those people have skewed ideas of love, ideas that leave them hurting, deprecating, and degrading themselves. We know that love comes in many shapes and forms but to some people, the love that they know is different. The love that feels most familiar to them is conditional, toxic, and selfish.
The world needs self-love coaches because there are people who are emotionally neglected and continue to feel that way day after day. They feel an unhealthy need for attention. They quest tirelessly for real connection. They want to be looked at without being shamed and laughed at. They want to be heard and understood. They want to feel enough. They hide away their true selves behind fear.
There are people trapped in their false perceptions of themselves. And if there’s anything to get them out of their shells, it’s self-love. Perhaps, people will get tired of chasing after love that would see them for who they are, love that would accept them, love that would bring them genuine happiness. So when that time comes, they may need life coaches to support them through their self-love journey.
There are people trapped in their false perceptions of themselves. And if there’s anything to get them out of their shells, it’s self-love.
Self-love coaching is for you if…
- You want work that doesn’t feel like an exhaustive job because you simply enjoy supporting other people.
- You look forward day by day to helping others achieve their best selves and accompanying them in the journey.
- You are excited about starting a business that will provide you with a lot of time, location, and financial freedom.
- You are committed to continuing to get better so you can coach other people into becoming their true, best selves.
Top 3 qualities of a self-love coach
1. Your respect for confidentiality
When a client confides in you as a self-love coach, it is because they put their faith in personal development with the help of coaching. They trust the process, but most importantly, they trust you. However, you must maintain confidentiality in order to keep your client's trust. It doesn’t matter who asks for the information or how grave the circumstance is. This is also necessary to maintain the credibility of your life coaching business.
For instance, consider this scenario: the payor of the sessions, a close family member, or simply anyone other than the client reaches out to you. When this happens, it may be tempting to lean towards a more profitable relationship. But keep in mind that you were hired for a reason and that is to help your client learn the epitome of self-love. When your clients confide in you, they put their trust in you so they can freely let out their deepest emotions and thoughts. And it is your utmost responsibility to maintain confidentiality regardless of what happens.
To keep yourself from disclosing information to an unknown or authoritative person and being in an uncomfortable situation, you may set things straight from the start which means you set your own boundaries. Yes, you’re a self-love coach and yes, you can also specify your limitations in the workplace. You need to communicate with the third party and set firm and clear boundaries for what information will be shared. In this way, you maintain your client's trust, confidence, and respect.
2. Remains objective
As a self-love coach, one of the most important coaching skills is empathy. That is the only way to truly comprehend what your client is going through. However, empathy may have the disadvantage of making you emotionally attached to a specific client and their problems. This can muddle any decision-making and make it difficult to coach effectively, negating any positive impact you could have had on your client's life.
Remember, you don’t have to deal with the problem firsthand. It is your responsibility to support the client, so the best way to help them is to listen intently to their concerns, analyze their situation, and slightly detach yourself. Sometimes, you just need to take a step back to see the bigger picture because when you’re too near, you lose sight of the nitty-gritty in the situation. When you’re not emotionally invested and involved, when you stay objective, you can successfully help your client in addressing the problem.
To start off, you have to accept that it is innate for you to form your own opinions and biases; it’s normal for most people. And sometimes, they can seep into the way we resolve problems and determine a solution. With your unique point of view, you may or may not have opposite opinions to that of your client but it is important for you to distance those thoughts. Don’t let them guide the way you support your client.
Once you've accepted your tendencies to form your own thoughts, the next step is to learn how to keep your biases out of coaching so you can be objective in how you assist your client in moving forward. This may be easier said than done, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Begin by being aware of when your bias is leaking into your coaching. Set apart your bias from the recommendations you give to your clients so you can remain objective when supporting them.
3. Refrains from making judgments
Speaking of having your own opinions, It is natural to have biases and beliefs that you disagree with. There will be topics on which you are passionate, and your clients may irritate you and test your patience. This rule holds true regardless of your life coaching niche!
However, as a self-love coach, the best way to retain mutual respect with your clients is to recognize that you have something to learn from them. On your end of coaching, you still have the opportunity to acquire knowledge. Your clients will always have something to teach you so indulge in that chance to gain experience and skills with every client you meet. With this principle, you not only maintain respect, you also become a better self-love coach.
If you want to be a successful self-love coach, you must be able to accept people for who they are, regardless of how strong your internal biases are. Even if you notice your biases emerging, it is critical that you suppress them and maintain a cordial and respectful relationship with your client.
Your clients are the best people to pinpoint what they want to achieve; they know themselves better than anyone. And so, it is best to let them guide the journey. Let them lead the sessions with you. Your job is to accompany them to where they want to be. Never force a client to take a particular path unless you are certain that they can take on such challenges or changes in their lives. They have to understand the many paths they can take toward their best selves and you can help shed light on that. Because you cannot instill that in them; it must come from within.
Your clients are the best people to pinpoint what they want to achieve; they know themselves better than anyone. And so, it is best to let them guide the journey.
So keep your cool and serve as a support system for your clients. You will notice a difference in how your client transitions into someone they truly want to be, someone they love – the end goal. By the end, they will appreciate you for assisting them in becoming more connected to their inner, true selves.
Techniques for self-love coaching
Self-love coaching can begin with the client identifying his or her own strengths and weaknesses and you help them in the process. You probe their thoughts by asking them questions about the things they admire about themselves and the things they are proud of. You may open the discussion for insecurities and perceived imperfections.
Now that the clients have pointed out the things they want to work on, you help them create a specific list of goals to achieve in each coaching session and by the end. This will help guide your client’s direction. You should also discuss how your clients would describe success and what it means to them to gauge if the self-love coaching techniques to be implemented are working.
You can urge your clients to make a powerful elevator pitch about themselves. You may wonder, this isn’t business, why do we need to ask the clients to market themselves? Elevator pitches are used by entrepreneurs to give an overview of their ideas or business. The important thing to remember is to encourage the client to make an immediate positive impression. Ask your client to market him- or herself in eight seconds or less. It’s actually a clever and creative way of letting your client focus on their “assets” and good qualities.
The most important thing to remember in self-love coaching is being there with the client. As someone appointed to be their self-love coach, be present, and be the confidant for your clients. Self-love coaching isn’t always easy and not everyone will be able to get to their journey fast. Everything that needs healing takes time. Although the clients avail coaching, this will not guarantee that they will feel positive about themselves. You need to expect that they will have their downtimes and doubt themselves. They might even feel like admitting defeat or they want to stop trying to get better. At times like these, you have to support them and open their eyes to their worth. Like what Charles Dickens said, “No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”
Is certification required to practice self-love coaching?
Certification to practice self-love coaching isn’t mandatory. The coaching industry is vast, one of the reasons could possibly be that it doesn’t have any regulations or laws. Everyone who wishes to practice life coaching can do so. However, your experience, skills to market yourself and your skills, and referrals from past clients will help determine if you’ll become successful in this area.
So to strengthen your credentials, you can pursue certification for a payable amount of $19 to $4,750. Although courses on life coaching can vary, the usual duration of one course is up to 21 weeks. There are also courses available online which can be achieved in seven hours.
How much money can you make from self-love coaching?
Coaching for self-love has been growing and getting in high demand. As mentioned before, you need assets such as professional experience, great marketing skills, and good credibility and referrals to have more clients. On average, a session can earn $300.
Ultimately, the key to self-love is to unconditionally love yourself. You must develop a loving relationship with yourself. As a life coach, do you still need to learn self-love? Yes, because you can best support other people when you have self-love and when you know how to achieve it.
The most important aspect of self-love coaching is the ability to assist people in accepting and owning who they have become. After all, helping others appreciate and love themselves more and knowing that you have successfully played your part gives you a sense of fulfillment, don’t you think?
FAQs
1. Why become a self-love coach?
A self-love coach is comparable to a leader, advocate, and mentor who supports clients through wellness, self-inquiry, and personal transformation to fully accept and love themselves. Being a coach entails assisting people in becoming the best versions of themselves by confronting the things that hinder them from moving forward, be it their personal beliefs, day-to-day practices, or intrusive negative thoughts. If this sounds like something you want to do, then perhaps, self-love coaching is for you!
2. What does a self-love coach do?
Self-love coaches do more than just enlighten clients on how to love themselves. Their primary goal is to effect deeper changes in self-perception. When a client has a better understanding of themselves, they are more accepting of who they are.
3. Why is self-love important in a relationship?
With self-love, you recognize your worth and can let others know how to treat you in a relationship. Because they see you treating yourself differently, your partners will want to treat you with the same amount of respect and admiration. Simply put, when you love, show compassion for, and respect yourself, others will reciprocate.
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