Being single after 40 is really hard on a lot of people. Having to start over and trying to figure out what we want or don't want can really be tough. So many broken hearts and so many trying to make the best of their second half of life. A new adventure.
In the course of dating after 40, the games are over and a new standard is in place. Most people after 40 are not into the games of young romance and the cat and mouse chase. They want to know what they are getting into because the days are shorter and the years roll by faster than ever. Time is at an essence and they want it all now.
I know the feeling and I know how hard it can be. This is for those dating and searching. Discussed below are thoughts that need to be understood in order to make finding that one reachable. With the understanding that despite the age woman and men, they still communicate quite differently from one another.
Men and Woman Communicate Differently
THE STRESS FACTOR:
Men run and hide when they are stressed. They do not want to share feelings and this has nothing to do with woman. Most men do not want to appear to be weak so therefore they keep it to themsevles and they may not be able to handle both at the same time.
Men need to work these issues out by themselves. Allow them their space and room to do what they need. It doesn't mean you have to cut off communication, but remember when you do communicate keep it short and simple. Texting is awesome for this! Send a smily face and nothing more. It says "Hey, thinking of you!" or just a simple "Hey hope you are good!". Then let it go.
Do not try to comfort because as sweet as it is in your eyes, they may actually find it as annoying. If you are doing all the right things and he doesn't respond at all ask yourself this.
- Is this how you want the remainder of your life to look like?
- Can you handle being shut out of every life event when he is stressed?
As for men, you should understand that woman need to talk about it and we do not view you as weak when you express your emotions, instead we feel hurt when you hide from us and stop communication. Even if it is a quick word of "I'm stressed and worn out talk to you soon." We are usually pretty good with that.
Woman need to talk it out while you need to shut it out. WE are not asking you to give up that privacy, but to acknowledge we really want to comfort you. Not because we think you are weak, but because we know you are strong.
The same goes with men if she is unwilling to allow you space is this how you want to live your life? Understand that space doesn't mean cutting her off completely. You have to allow her to communicate with you or there is no relationship there to build on.
Men and Woman still want the same things
Really, ladies, men want to be loved and cared for just like us! How we word and talk to a man will make all the difference. It is hard for woman as we are emotional creatures, not a thing wrong with that either! Those emotions are what allows compassion and desire to flow through our bodies.
The confidence and flirty nature we posses is what our men love. The thing is we need to be able to control it. To stop breath and think before we react or comment. Truth is we have all done it blurted something out we had not really intended to say and then quickly afterwards thought "OH NO that is not want I wanted." But it's too late... it's there and it's done the damage. We can't take it back. Really think about what you are feeling and how you want to express that before you say a word. We do not have to be insulting or accusive in order to get our point across.
EXAMPLE: "That was inconsiderate!" (Yikes judgmental and harsh) "Um I'm not understanding what is going on can you talk to me?" (So much better and without the abbrasive undertone.)
The first one is how most women respond without thinking, even though she is not trying to be judgmental and or harsh, it is just emotion from not understanding. Yet, it is our responsiblity to communicate our feelings to a man. Not to say that men should not be able to say "OK what is going on?" No one is perfect and we must have room for growth, understanding and grace.
If need be before you respond via text or emial or call write out what you want on a seperate piece of paper. Do not do it on text until you know what you want to say.
Woman are foolish over our men just like men can be. We love you all with heart and soul. Just like you all do us. We want to tell you our every thought and memorized the imprint of your souls. We want to be wrapped up in you, so it is easy to get wrapped up in you.
I find more men are worried about being honest with a woman due to not wanting to hurt them. Yet, not being honest and shutting us down hurts by far more and causes damage that sometimes can not be repaired.
Have faith that honesty will form a binding relationship with the right woman. Tell her how you are feeling, not just during sex, guys. Let her know you care for her and be there for her. She really wants you to lead, so lead. Remember, in leadership, it doesn't mean you dictate or control, instead it means you are strong and can handle her strength. I mean, that is pretty sexy.
When in Doubt Ask
This is to both parties. Woman will get insecure and men will run. Even the most confident woman can be turned into puddles of insecurty with her man. When you are dealing and or strugging with issues within the relationship then just be honest.
I can't tell you how much I really wanted to talk to this guy about some issues, but I didn't really say it. I just kept asking when can I talk you? He had no idea what was going on because he is a guy. Even when we think it is obvious, it is not!
You have to be direct and honest with him. You have to be direct and honest wtih her to prevent her from getting wrapped up in something that is not there. This is how hurt feeings and anger are prevented.
We value love and relationships, both parties not just one. That is obvious by just watching how each party tries and searches.
The pages change and time keeps going on, and with honesty, we can prevent so much hurt and frustration. We can save time. Life is so wonderful and short and we all, both men and women, have so much love to give and so much to share with one another so we should focus on that. I can not encourage one another to focus on honesty above all things. Honesty will bring unity or at least allow you to find the right person to have that unity with.
If you are struggling in a relationship or if you are lacking the confidence in yourself to get out there and find your dream, contact me today. I know the struggle and I know how hard it can be. Your life is waiting for you, so let's live it.
To your Success.
Michelle Bell, 1 Life Coaching