Unlocking Self Love through NLP: How to Manifest Self Love as a Game

Ever noticed that no matter how much you "get what you want" it’s never quite enough? 

Or as much success as you have, you can’t quite shake those feelings of being a little bit unhappy, frustrated, anxious, scared, stressed, tired or some cocktail of the lot? 

Sounds like you need an authentic self-love practice - and starting is as easy as a good laugh.

Here’s the thing: Self-Love is a secret superpower that we all possess, but not many listen to. This Self-Love superpower is there for all of us but it lies dormant until we make the decision to use it.  

When you make the decision, you pick up a magic wand that:

• transforms your negative self-talk into quiet certainty
• turns your grievances into peace and 
• converts your self-doubt into knowing

WAIT… IS “SELF-LOVE” REALLY A THING?

Yes, Self-Love is a thing. 

But first let’s be clear: this is NOT “ego love”. 

Love is unconditional. It must be all-encompassing or it wouldn’t be love. That means by definition it excludes no-one and no-thing. 

Deep within you sits unconditional love; YOUR great power waiting to be unleashed. Like a superhero hiding in the shadows behind its petulant, make-believe alter ego. 

Let me make this simple: YOU are the superhero. 

At least, the superhero is your true Self - unconditional love - whole, perfect and complete, totally unchanging, calm, centred and certain in every moment. 

Your ego or alter ego is your separate, stressed-out, fearful, anxious, scared, not good enough, inconsistent, childish “self”. 

HOW TO ACTIVATE THE SELF-LOVE SUPERPOWER

Be present. Although I warn you, this is easier said than done. 

But there is a hack. 

The moment you’re resisting, rejecting, fighting, punishing away, holding close or avoiding anything… you are fighting with life, in non-acceptance of what is. 

You are trying to control what is in truth totally out of your control. 

And when you do this you are NOT present. Your mind and heart close (because you are disconnected from your Self). And you suffer.

Every time. Guaranteed.

The hack is open acceptance which swiftly moves you (in your mind) beyond your fear and resistance into a place of unconditional love, inside yourself: open acceptance. 

Authentic Self-Love is the recognition that you are not a separate mind-body, but one-mind beyond your separate body-mind identity (ego). 

This subtle distinction is the difference between actually being happy and thinking positive thoughts about being happy “one day”. 

Sounds simple, right? And as for being present?

THIS IS WHERE NLP COMES IN

NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) at its core, is a way of taking responsibility for the power of the mind and your experience within it. In effect it is a way of reversing the limited Newtonian laws of cause and effect, and turning inward to the unlimited laws of quantum physics.  

Think of it like you’re a sports car. This is your super power vehicle that you travel this world in. But there are 2 of you in this car - your ego and your superhero - and only ONE driver's seat. 

When your ego drives, it wreaks destruction and havoc through your life, your relationships, your health and your money. 

When your superhero drives, you are safe, calm, connected, tuned in, abundant, loving and more powerful than you could ever imagine.  

The trick is to keep your ego out of the driver's seat and your superhero in charge. This is why it’s helpful to gamify your Self-Love practice.  

Gamification is a powerful way of bringing the fun and engaging elements that we love about games into real life, making the experience more powerful, consistent and fulfilling, with our chances of success a hundred times greater. 

INTRODUCING THE GAME OF LIFE: A REAL-LIFE GAME TO OUTSMART YOUR EGO AND RELEASE YOUR SUPERHERO WITHIN

In this game, there are two mutually exclusive worlds: the World of Love, and the World of Fear. 

Each of these worlds is governed by two opposite sets of laws; the bridge to travel between the two worlds is through time.

WORLD OF FEAR LAWS:

THIS IS THE HOME OF YOUR EGO (THE TRICKSTER)

1. Love is not now (in the past or future)
2. Love is outside (not enough as it is)
3. Love is form (looks a certain way)
4. Love is punishment (punishment is required) 
5. Love is destructive (THE END)

WORLD OF LOVE LAWS:  

THIS IS THE HOME OF YOUR SUPERHERO (LOVE)

1. Love is now
2. Love is inside (enough as it is)
3. Love is content (the interconnectedness between forms)
4. Love is freedom (exactly the way it is)
5. Love is creative (THE BEGINNING)

When you are present you experience love NOW, inside yourself, where you know you are enough, with no separation between you and anything (or anyone) else. 

You are free to be happy and joyful and you feel good. Your actions from here are creative and you experience yourself as inspired, happy, joyful, loving and peaceful. Present with what life is offering you. 

When you are not present, you do NOT experience love now. You believe love is outside yourself and you need something (or someone) to make you enough. You begin to look for it in the forms and bodies outside yourself. And when they (inevitably) fail to meet your expectations, you punish them. 

Your actions from here are destructive and you experience yourself as vulnerable, weak, not good enough, stressed, anxious and depleted.

The game's purpose is to increase the time you spend in any given moment, in the World of Love (being present) rather than in the World of Fear (not being present).

BONUS: Presence has a miraculous anti-ageing benefit

WHY TURN SELF-LOVE INTO A GAME?

Because Self-Love is a thing. A rather important thing if you wanna be happy. 

But remember: this is NOT “ego love”, which is always limited or conditional. And always ends.  

Love is unlimited. 

Learning to know (and practice) the difference, that’s Self-Love. 

But there’s a catch. The ego is a genius (we call him the Trickster). That’s why we play Game of Life. As often as we can. Otherwise we’ll forget. Which is exactly his modus operandi!

Imagine two worlds: the World of Love, and the World of Fear; each governed by opposing sets of laws. You experience each world, by how you see yourself, in your mind. 

SO WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO? 

Practise open acceptance, or being present. Consistently. 

And when that feels hard, you disarm your petulant alter ego and move back into your superpower with this powerful formula: STOP. LAUGH. PLAY.

Or more accurately… 

Remember to stop. Remember to laugh. Remember to play. 

Because remembering is the most important (and often the hardest) part of the game. Without remembering to sop, nothing changes. Remembering gets you a seat at the table, and gives you the opportunity to change your mind from fear to love.

1. REMEMBER TO STOP

"Reverse the laws of cause and effect, and perform miracles." - Florence Scovel Shinn

Come back to the ‘cause side’ of life: this is your reminder to stop being at the effect of your ego and put your superhero back in the driver's seat. 

TIP:

Set reminders for yourself in different places and ways throughout the day. Get into the habit of being aware of yourself and checking in with your thoughts and feelings. Notice: are you present, or resisting?

Start here:

Pick up your phone and set an alarm to go off 1 hour from now. STOP and focus on breathing deeply for just 60 seconds (even if you’re busy). Allow what is to be. SLOW your mind DOWN. 

2. REMEMBER TO LAUGH

“There is nothing outside of yourself. Look within. Everything you want is there.” ~ Rumi

Once you’ve stopped, the next step is to look within, see your ego for what it is, and laugh at its littleness. 

The ego takes itself very seriously which is why laughing at yourself is such an effective tool to move yourself from fear to the safety of Love. 

TIP:

Sometimes it can be hard to laugh at ourselves. When this happens, get another perspective by asking yourself, what can I learn from this?

Start here: 

What are you currently frustrated with? Close your eyes and insert something totally outrageous into your frustration. Use your imagination: like Mickey Mouse ears, or a pink flying elephant. Now ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?”.

3. REMEMBER TO PLAY

"Play is the highest form of research." - Albert Einstein

Once you’ve laughed, you’ve successfully changed your mind from Fear to Love. The next step is to continue to play. 

Playfulness naturally increases your stress relief, creativity, connectedness, mental health, emotional health, memory and problem solving abilities. 

Remember this game is played in your mind so it doesn’t mean you take yourself off to the local park on a playdate (although this can be helpful). 

It means, get back to what you were doing, from a playful state of mind.

To play is the decision to be ok inside yourself despite the world outside NOT being the way you want it. 

TIP:

Make time for yourself to actually play; build a practice which helps you to remember not to take yourself (and life) so seriously.

Start here: 

Pull a face at yourself in the mirror. Do it til you laugh.

***

And that friends, is how you gamify your self-love practice with NLP (and remember to laugh).

Get into the habit of applying this formula throughout the day, every time you feel upset. 

With consistent practice and dedication, you will experience yourself more as unconditional love and wellbeing, rather than limited, stressed and unhappy. 

It's like going to the gym in your mind, but without the sweat and the awkward grunting. And who knows, you might discover something inside yourself that you never knew existed. 

So, what are you waiting for? Stop Fighting Yourself. Unleash your superhero within! 

For more NLP and Self-Love strategies to Stop Fighting Yourself, contact me today.

RENIER JOOSTE

NLP MASTER COACH

CO-FOUNDER: OPEN ACCEPTANCE METHOD

Certified Master NLP & Hypnotherapy Practitioner, Firewalking & Breathwork Instructor, Strategic Intervention Specialist, Body Language & Micro-Expression Expert, Human Behaviour Specialist, Core Human Needs Therapy Practitioner and Reiki Level 2 Practitioner.