Anger can be hazardous
Anger is an emotion that bursts out from within, throwing havoc in one’s life and in the lives of people around us. Out of control anger can destroy relationships, careers, happiness and peace. It is not a feel good emotion that we cherish. After the outburst, it is not unusual for us to feel embarrassed causing us to wonder if we could have handled the whole situation much better. It is seen as a negative emotion that needs to be suppressed and controlled.
Is there a technique to manage anger?
We have always been told to control our anger. Because of that, there are many techniques taught to us out of good intentions, such as the following:
- Take deep breaths
- Postpone response
- Count 1 to 100
- Shout out in a closed room
- Punch the pillow really hard
- Cool down our tempers by walking away
Well, it seems to calm us down a bit, but why did we really get upset and angry in the first place? What is that within us that got upset? What is the point of not addressing the root cause of our anger but find solutions to cover it up?
We work to contain the outburst. Unfortunately, the more we bottle up, we end up building pressure for the emotion to explode violently elsewhere. We have all been the cause of outbursts totally unconnected to a situation that left many baffled.
Also, applying technique to control and cover up all the time is not an easy option because sometimes the anger hits the ceiling without a warning or giving us the space and time to apply techniques. It simply expresses itself as part of what triggered it.
It is a very common scenario that occurs in our day to day life. It doesn’t give time for us to think, rethink, delay and measure consequences before we respond in the most sensible way. Techniques are redundant if the emotions are overpowering, but could be useful when the trigger is within our handling capabilities.
But in any case, anger management techniques don’t bring us a permanent solution because it works on the effect and not the cause.
Anger as a subconscious response
Anger is a subconscious response to conceal our shortcomings, insecurities and fears. We subconsciously don’t want the world to know about our weakness. Our self worth is tied to what the world would think of us. We hate the idea of being seen as a misfit or ridiculed by our peers, community and the world. Hiding and building a wall around the shortcomings is the subconscious strategy of the mind, not realizing that it in that process it is always vulnerable to be teased, poked and hurt. The mind unwittingly has sowed the seed for it to be unhappy, angry and immature.
Anger as a wakeup call
Anger is an inbuilt mechanism to communicate the inner wounds that we have been carrying all along. It is a call from within to pay attention so that the inner hurt heals.
Anger is a call from within to heal the inner wounds. It is like an alarm bell set by us but forgotten. Every time it rings it reminds us of our low self esteem, our shame, our guilt, our failures, our helplessness, our inabilities, and our lack of clarity that needs to be addressed.
The root cause could be any of the many shortcomings that we hold within. It simply waits for an external situation or internal thought to trigger it and highlight it to us. It is a self help tool to overcome inadequacies. The sooner we listen, the quicker we could fix the shallowness.
Awareness heals
Be aware of the anger. The permanent solution to be free of anger is to listen to what it says without condemning it. It is not something that should be ignored and judged. It is a useful emotion wanting to bring about a positive transformation but it is possible only with awareness.
Anger has two recipients. One message is to the external world in the form of displeasure. Another message is to our own self that something in us is amiss and not to our liking. Be aware of the second message if we would want to correct it.
It tells us something in us is not well founded but is shaky and susceptible. It tells us without saying that as long the shortcomings are not addressed it would rear its head time and again. The most important message communicated to ourselves should not go unheard. For what goes unheard will return at some other place and time of choosing. We have simply delayed our progress.
The moment we begin to listen more deeply, we will begin to comprehend the subtler details of the emotional knots and shortcomings. We will also start to slowly free ourselves of those wounds and psychological blocks. We would become more and more aware of the knots that we subconsciously create for ourselves. Being aware of the folly is the first step towards unknotting and overcoming the shortcomings.
We would heal the wounds permanently causing a natural response to situations, which would not only be pleasant to ourselves, but our messages would be very effective in the external world too.
We don’t have to appease or tolerate by hurting ourselves and at the same time we don’t have to rage out of proportion responses and aggravate the unfavourable situation. In the absence of shortcomings, inner wounds and inner pains, we are naturally calm to put across to the external world the most impactful response. This calm retort would result in bringing a favourable result too.
At the start, old habits would follow, which is absolutely okay, but never ever miss a chance to step within when you have cooled down a bit after the incident. It could be later that night before going to bed or it could sometime while sipping your coffee or whenever you have the composure to look within instead of blaming the trigger. However unfair the situation might have been to you, listen to your inner voice for it truly cares for you.
Discover your natural serene self.
Sen
PS - Please leave your comments and questions that you would like to be answered in the comment section or send me an email.
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