Self Care for the New Year: Why Resolve is better than Resolution

Relax into the New Year knowing that your resolve will take you where you need to go and guide you along the way. There’s no need to get all worked up about your resolutions, intentions, goals, or targets. That’s not to say you can’t have them. You can have as many goals, ambitions, desires, plans, lists, and reminders as you like, but don’t allow them to rob you of a lovely feeling.

Why is that? Because that lovely feeling is what is going to smooth the process of you getting from where you are now to where you want to be.

How can you possibly be “in the flow” of life with all kinds of friction created by your self-imposed pressure to perform, succeed, grow, change, transform, excel and reach the heights you’ve set for yourself?

Getting to where you want to go is a process. There is no straight line or foolproof method.

I am not suggesting that you sit back and do nothing, I’m suggesting that the attitude you bring to what you do not be coloured by stress, urgency, desperation, and panic. Getting to where you want to go is a process. There is no straight line or foolproof method. There will be trial and error, experimentation, wasted time, lessons learned, reassessment and regrouping. These things are just part of the process.

I’m equally guilty as the next person. I see something I want to change, something uncomfortable, disappointing or frustrating and I want to change it. I see things I want to create in my life, projects I want to launch, clients I’d like to work with, and experiences I’d like to have and I do the same thing I see others doing. I get upset because things aren’t as I’d like them, I might feel like I’ve failed like something is wrong with me because I haven’t figured out how to do what I want. I have all kinds of ways of feeling miserable.

Then I do the thing where I get inspired, start planning and researching and looking for foolproof ways to get what I want. I’ll start implementing my plans with great focus and determination and then at some point, I’ll get stuck. I’ll wonder why isn’t this working? I’ve got the plan, I know what to do, and I’m doing everything right but it's not working the way I think it should.

That’s when I realize that I’m being pushy. I’m trying to mastermind the universe and make it bend to my design. It doesn’t work that way. The universe doesn’t like being bossed around and told how and when to do things. It wants to be part of the process. It wants to be a partner. It wants us to listen to it too, to give it time to move the pieces into place. And, it wants to enjoy the process.

When I get to this point I realize what I’ve done and I know I have to take a step back and take a different approach. For the sake of the New Year’s conversation, let’s start with the idea of a New Year’s Resolution:

A resolution is defined as a decision to do or not do something. It’s a focus on a specific outcome.

A RESOLUTION is defined as a decision to do or not do something. It’s a focus on a specific outcome. You put your finger on one particular goal like losing 20 pounds, learning a new language, or quitting a bad habit and then you become preoccupied with achieving that one thing. Sometimes this works and we manage to do that one thing we commit to, but most of the time life finds a way to derail our plans.

Resolution has solidity and firmness to it. It expects straight lines, a strict regimen, and finality. There’s nothing wrong with a resolution and sometimes that might be just the thing but in my experience, there is a way to get more satisfying results and have way more fun doing it. My preference is to work from Resolve.

Resolve is defined as the firm determination to do something.

RESOLVE is defined as the firm determination to do something. While the distinction may seem slight, the energy of resolve allows for more openness and fluidity in how you achieve the results you’re looking for. It makes room for life to partner with you as opposed to forcing life to bend to your desires. Resolve allows you to focus more on how you want to feel about your outcome. It also lets you alter your path and make adjustments along the way.

If you set the goal of losing 20 lbs but it just isn’t working or you can’t keep it off, you will have failed. But, if you resolve to explore activities that make you feel good, eat food that nourishes you, and set a goal of enjoying your body’s ability to move and become more strong and flexible, then you will have a much better chance of succeeding. This will keep you encouraged to keep going and you might actually lose the 20lbs and keep it off.

It’s the difference between the drill sergeant and the encouraging coach. Resolution is the “do this or else” approach, while Resolve is the “do this because of what it will give you” approach.

The difference between the two is energetic. It’s the difference between the drill sergeant and the encouraging coach. Resolution is the “do this or else” approach, while Resolve is the “do this because of what it will give you” approach.

Here are some suggestions for Resolve. When you’re done reading this, I highly recommend you read my article on How To Live a Life you Love. That will help you plot a course using your Resolve as your compass.

Resolve:

• Commit to doing things that bring you joy.
• Do what feels light, Don't do what feels heavy.
• Commit to being kinder and gentler with yourself.
• Ask your body what it wants to eat/drink. How does it want to move, rest and enjoy?
• Commit to making choices that work for you not against you.
• Commit to making your life a place for MIRACLES! (See my article on Living a Miracle-Filled Life)
• Think in terms of what will be a gift to your future self.
• Commit to doing what it takes to shift your energy and create a life you love living.
• Commit to tying up loose ends.
• Commit to starting the things you’ve been putting off.
• Commit to taking more time for rest, play, and creative activities.

You could of course have more specific things in mind such as:

• Commit to taking a cooking class, music lessons or a personal development program.
• Commit to going to bed earlier and turning your phone off by a certain time.
• Commit to calling your mom once a week.
• Commit to walking to work.
• Commit to omitting negative language from your vocabulary.
• Commit to being a better listener and to stop giving unsolicited advice.

Now that we’ve looked more closely at the specific kinds of ways you can use resolve, let’s go back to the beginning, back to relaxing into the New Year and relaxing into a new way of being and doing things.

It might seem counterintuitive to approach goals and targets with a relaxed approach but think of it like a journey. You can plan your trip by scheduling every single detail, getting the timing down to the minute, marking out every step along the way. But, what happens when the plane is late, you miss a connection, the hotel was overbooked or dinner at the 5 star restaurant was over priced and under delivered? The best trips I’ve been on have had destinations in mind, I’ve had some things planned to the letter and other things open for spontaneously falling into place. The times I’ve planned specific things, I was often glad I did and other times I realized how unnecessary it was. The same is true for not planning. Sometimes it was the best thing ever and other times I wish I’d thought ahead and arranged an activity or place to stay.

The point is, like any adventure or journey, you need to strike a balance and focus on enjoying the process. Know where it is you’d like to go but be open to the possibility of an even better destination presenting itself. Savour the people and experiences you have along the way. Take time to be present for each step along the way and not just on getting to the final destination.

If you commit to having more joy, ease, and harmony in your life and you are mindful of each interaction you will find that opportunities start to present themselves... You will be in the flow of life.

If you commit to having more joy, ease, and harmony in your life and you are mindful of each interaction you have available to you along the way, you will find that opportunities start to present themselves. The difficult things will start to fall away and more pleasant things will begin showing up. The actions you need to take will become more and more obvious and will come from a place of kindness. You will be in the flow of life.