People have several different coping mechanisms for stress, all of which have mixed results. While stress can be a powerful motivation for some individuals and is frequently viewed as a good thing, it can also leave some people feeling absolutely helpless and stuck. But why do we get stressed?
Here, I’ll be specifically talking about stress, how to cope with it, and how anti-stress coaching can help you. And I’ll let you in on a secret: when you work with a stress management coach, not only do you manage and cope with stress, but you also become free to consider your unique strengths and difficulties!
Day-to-day stress
It seems like there are a million things that could stress us out on any day. Whether it be a fight with a spouse, criticism from a boss, or just watching the news, it seems impossible to escape things that will stress us out.
The big question though is: why?
- Why are humans so prone to stress?
- Why does our body completely freak out so often?
In order to answer that we must first remember what it was like when humans were just starting out.
The origins of stress
Even though we don’t have to worry about being eaten by lions anymore, there are still plenty of bad things that could happen.
These particular humans would be called cavemen and cavewomen. They didn’t live long because the world was a very dangerous place for them. Let’s say a caveperson was walking in the forest and heard a noise.
Some of them would assume that it was a lion who wanted to eat them so they would get very stressed and run away. Others would assume everything would be fine and most of the time they’d be right, but sometimes they’d be wrong.
If that happened they would get eaten and thus would not be able to pass down their genes to the next generation. Humans that did survive were the ones who were easily stressed out.
All right, it is true that the world was a very dangerous place for cavepeople, but why is everyone getting so stressed out now when the world is much safer now? Things have only been safer and more prosperous for at most a few generations.
Our biology cannot change that fast. And even though we don’t have to worry about being eaten by lions anymore, there are still plenty of bad things that could happen.
What stresses us out
Stress can arise from a number of reasons, including grief and mourning, divorce or separation, job loss, and sudden financial difficulties. Your mental health may suffer as a result of work-related stress. And did you know that an average of 24 workdays are missed by individuals who experience work-related stress? It’s true that stress can really affect your life.
Even good life changes like upgrading to a larger home, getting promoted at work, or taking a vacation can cause stress. If you experience stress in these circumstances, you could find it difficult to understand why or be hesitant in expressing your thoughts to others (Mental Health Foundation, 2022).
Coping with stress
A fight could lead to a divorce. Criticism could lead to losing a job. And a war in another country could lead to war here. These worries trigger the same stress response that was useful for avoiding lions. But now, since it’s not always clear what to do about the problem, stress can last much longer and lead to anxiety.
And anxiety is so bad for your health both physically and mentally.
So what do we do about stress if we’re prone to feeling that way? Luckily, our body also possesses a way to calm down. We need to get that process started in order to destress. Fortunately, there are many ways to do this too.
- Deep breathing can help relax our muscles and finding a new way to look at a scary situation can decrease stress at its source.
- Also, recognizing that stress isn’t always a bad thing can lessen the negative effects it has on us.
One study found that people who lived high-stress lives but saw stress as a good thing had even healthier hearts than people who lived low-stress lives.
I’ve been working on seeing stress as a good thing and it’s really helped me relax and appreciate the value of the struggles of life.
HEALTHY WAYS TO DESTRESS
Stress-related symptoms can include feeling emotional or nervous, as well as having difficulty sleeping or eating. Here are some healthy ways for managing stress:
1. Take a break from the media.
Go for breaks from news articles, especially those on social media, when you're watching, reading, or listening to them. While being informed is important, hearing about the horrific happenings around us over and over again can be stressful.
Consider restricting your daily news consumption to just a few times and taking a brief break from your phone, TV, and the internet.
2. Take good care of yourself.
Give yourself a break if you're feeling stressed out, eat well, move your body, sleep soundly, and get plenty of rest. How else can you do that? You can try stretching - breathe deeply or practice meditation. Prepare and eat nutritious, balanced meals. Exercise regularly. Get lots of rest. And avoid using drugs, tobacco, and alcohol excessively.
3. Schedule some downtime.
Try engaging in some activities that you enjoy. Think about your interests and hobbies. Maybe it’s about time you pay attention to them and do what you really want to do to destress!
4. Connect with your family, friends, and community!
Chat with others. Reach out. Discuss your worries and feelings with those you can trust. If you have problems, talk to a parent, friend, counselor, doctor, or life coach about how you are handling things.
You can also contact your faith- or community-based organizations (CDC, 2022). There are volunteer works out there that can take your mind off of your stressors. You can also find companionship there!
At the end of the day, even though we have predispositions to stress because of our ancestors, so much stress is about how you look at a situation.
REAL LIFE STRESS
Allow me to explain this better in a short story. Hallie lives a good life for the most part. She lives in a low-crime neighborhood and always has plenty to eat. But there are still many things that stress her out.
Every time she has a test at school she gets so worried that she failed it that she loses sleep thinking about how she’s never going to be able to get into college, and thus, will be a failure in life.
When the teacher hands back the grades, she can feel her stomach starting to hurt. She feels like she has to do something to stop the stress. If she was a cavewoman and a lion was chasing her, she would know to run as fast as she could.
But there’s no clear answer to what to do about getting a bad grade on a test, especially since she’s already studying her hardest.
So when she gets back the test and sees a C or a D on it, she feels so much anxiety and doesn’t have any way to relieve it, so she ends up going to the bathroom and crying her eyes out.
Luckily, there is hope for Hallie. Her parents signed her up to see a stress management coach. They discuss the different things Hallie is stressed out about, and the coach helps her question the beliefs that are stressing her out.
By learning to think that one bad grade is not the end of the world and will not make her a failure in life, Hallie experienced less stress and anxiety the next time she gets a bad grade. They also talk about what to do when Hallie can’t think away her anxiety.
They practice doing breathing exercises together, and Hallie learns that sometimes bad situations can actually be pretty funny if you take a step back.
In order to improve on this part, Hallie also consults a laughter coach since laughter is truly the best medicine. Over time stress becomes easier for Hallie to manage.
She even begins to see that it can sometimes be a good thing because it pushes her out of her comfort zone and makes her try new things.
Thanks to the help she’s received, stress and anxiety are no longer a match for Hallie.
Anti-stress coaching: what is it and how can it help?
You’ll be in charge, leading the way with your coach there to provide ideas, a sounding board, accountability, and motivation
Do you feel overwhelmed, with all your thoughts scrambled up like eggs? Restless and still find it difficult to sleep at night? Tearful, anxious, or perhaps feel like snapping at people? You’re probably just stressed out. But don’t worry, you can work your way through it, with help!
Anti-stress coaching or stress management coaching can support you in developing effective coping strategies by assisting you in evaluating your life across several variables such as work, home, emotional health, and physical well-being. It is about helping you through all your worries and anxiety by getting to its roots.
Your anti-stress coach is not just any expert in the area of stress management, but more than that, your partner in coming up with strategies to help you cope with stress in ways that work specifically for you.
Before your sessions, you’ll talk to your coach to dig into your beliefs and behaviors that are triggering your stress. You’ll answer an in-depth coaching questionnaire that will help your coach find out your goals, and what you want to achieve from your coaching together.
Now, what’s the sense of all this? Doing so will help you and your coach come up with strategies to best counter stress that work for your specific stress management needs. Having a coaching plan will also help your coach catch up to how you’ve been doing and track your progress on your goals together.
You’ll be in charge, leading the way with your coach there to provide ideas, a sounding board, accountability, and motivation. But coaching is all about putting you in charge and making the actions you take your own. You are not a patient, you are a fully functioning partner who has all the tools you need to succeed; coaching just helps you bring this out in yourself.
For each session, your coach will ask you questions to help you from feeling stuck and make you look at the problem from a different angle. When you see something from a different perspective, you get a hint of why it is happening or where it is coming from.
Do you feel a surge of emotion whenever you are confronted with an unfamiliar situation, thing, or person? Do you feel anxious when coming to work or school, or perhaps, coming back home? If you struggle to find the root of stress, you will work together with your coach to reevaluate your situation and find other ways to deal with it. The question is, what can you do to destress?
When you realize what you need to do or overcome, you and your coach create specific action items to take. These are small, actionable steps you can take toward a larger goal. For instance, one week, you may commit to taking 20 minutes each day for meditation, or one day on the weekend to take on a new hobby you have always wanted to pursue.
You will also create longer-term goals to work towards. It’s easier to go down a path when you know where to go, when you know what’s stressing you out, and when you know how to cope with it. You and your coach will look ahead toward the coming weeks, look the problem in the eye, and determine what could be done.
In between sessions, you might do some journalling, tackle a worksheet, or just work towards your action items. All of these will help move you closer to the goals you and your coach agreed to reach. With the help of your anti-stress coach, you become more accountable and motivated to continue working toward your objectives.
You are not a patient, you are a fully functioning partner who has all the tools you need to succeed; coaching just helps you bring this out in yourself.
How can you cope with stress?
Stress is not all bad. In small doses, it can drive you to perform well under pressure and strive for excellence. But that’s just not the case all the time. When you don’t work on what’s stressing you, your mind and body pay the price.
The easiest way to balance the demands of a busy lifestyle is to frequently analyze and evaluate your priorities. To help you in finding a healthy work-life balance, you may want to set goals and objectives - what you want to achieve by the end of the day, week, month, or year. Review your work activities, priorities, and success factors to successfully manage your time. When feasible, draw a line between juggling a job and personal time off at work. Adopt an optimistic outlook. Maintain a healthy lifestyle by taking care of yourself, eating well, getting enough sleep, and allocating some time to engage in a hobby you like. And try to have fun at work.
Exercise is also one of the many ways to relieve your stress. It works on distracting you from your troubles! Exercise encourages you to concentrate on your body rather than your mind because it involves repetitive activities.
You gain many of the same advantages of meditation while exercising by focusing on the rhythm of your motions. You can go jogging, dancing, biking, yoga, gardening, climbing stairs, swimming, and dancing. And here’s the thing, getting active doesn't require an expensive gym membership. You can also try body-weight exercises, a yoga video, or a walk with your dog.
But sometimes you need a little help. It’s easy to fall into the trap of working tirelessly with no breaks, saying to yourself you’ll prioritize work-life balance later…. only to never actually do it. When you feel like you need some help getting your stress strategies on point and someone to keep you motivated towards following your commitment to destress, consider speaking with an anti-stress coach.
Anti-stress coaching is about powerful conversations to help you tackle your stress. Coaches help you challenge the problems in ways that won’t be overwhelming and intimidating for you. They help you seek the answers to destressing. Sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is relax.
If you're searching for anti-stress coaching, check out the trusted life coaches in our directory, most of which will offer a free consultation. You have a choice in who you work with in order to feel the best about yourself. If you're having trouble deciding, submit a request to be matched with your ideal coach.
*****
Over the years I have learned the same lessons that Hallie did. Stress can be our friend at times. And when it's not it can luckily be controlled.
Rachel Alison Kaplan, Life and Stress Management Coach
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